Who's that girl?

I recently had a conversation with a very close friend of mine. She put some things in to very clear perspective to me. With an upcoming birthday just 2 days away I have been struggling with who I am. I mean I am Amanda. Mark's wife, The Boys mom. A woman at the gym. The server with the friendly smile that brought you your supper last night. I have spent so much time defining my outside shell that for some reason I have COMPLETELY forgot how I want my inside shell to be.

I know where I want to be in time physically, and mentally my head is in the game but sometimes my heart is having doubts. And that is because I am human. I am not a super hero or a super mom or a super athlete. I am an Everyday Woman that cries herself to sleep at night sometimes because she misses her husband and best friend. Or cries when she is pulling weight at the gym because there has been so much built up inside that you feel like you need to just explode and at that moment in time is when it happens. Crazy but true! Should've seen me last night during T-bar rows.. I was a wreck, alone, eyes focused with tears pouring down and in a zone. We all have moments like this. It is just whether we admit to it or not. My admission happens to be inside my blog for LOTS of people to read and I am ok with that. Because I have not hid behind a mask for the last year and I do NOT plan on starting now. And THAT my friends is what makes me who I am. So thank you dear friend for pointing that out to me and reminding me. I will forever be thankful.

It has been a week without a regular regiment of being with my trainer 3 mornings a week and it is hard to slide back in to a normal pattern. Finding what is going to be comfortable for me. It was easy to go for 11am when I had a trainer with me when the gym was full of people but now not so much. I have found it less stressful to go later at night. I spend time with my folder in the change room planning out my mode of attack to get the most effective training session in that would make myself and Luke proud. So I guess this is where I either flourish or flounder as a post trainer client.

I guess we will have to wait and see what happens from here.... See you in 2 weeks when we get to celebrate togeether.... I will bring the candles!!