It is NEVER too late to keep going

I can't believe it has been so long since I sat down at my laptop and just poured out my thoughts. I took some time to read old ones that I wrote and it really made me kinda of proud. Not because I am ego manical but because I have been through a lot of shit and garbage over the last few years and I kept a pretty darn positive attitude about it all. Sure there have been some things that I said I was going to do and I didn't as of YET. I firmly believe that I am to do what I am doing in my life at the EXACT moment that I am supposed to. We can stand in judgement of others and call them a failure ( as I have had said to me over it ), But I stand and say I am not on that page yet in my life journal. Don't get me wrong I have self doubted, self hated, and emotionally beat myself up ... That was then and this is now.

Let's talk about NOW! Where am I? Where have I been? WHAT have I been doing? So many questions to answer so hold your horses and I will let you all know as fast as my fingers can type.

I heard something last night that really sunk in because it is how I feel so very often.... " I just want to sit down at a dinner table and eat a normal meal with my family. I am so sick and tired of living meal to meal and struggling every day with my body " .... anyone else? It has been a long road these last 50 weeks or so for me. I have had my coach and trainer Sandra Compton with me the entire way through every single hurdle. I sat down with her a year ago in a Williams coffee shop crying and telling her I lost me! I stopped caring about me! I put everyone else first and forgot about me! I didn't want to jump in to another 12 week program. I wanted to live my life and find me again in the process. I refused to live weeks at a time. I asked her for a one year commitment to me and I would give her the same. That is a LOT of time to ask for someone to commit to you without a contract in writing. It was a leap of faith and trust on her part that I would be there when I said I would be and not give up. I was at the point where I just needed to live one day at a time. I was kind of broken and she saw that.....

Day one of training started and again I thought WTF did I just do to myself AGAIN!! HOW did I get so far out of shape. HOW did this happen!?!? Oh ya.. I remember now... because I stopped caring enough about myself to do something about it then. That honestly was one of THE hardest sessions I have had to do in a VERY long time. Not because it was physically difficult. I had done each one of those movements before many times, even though secretly it was personal torture, but because it was mentally difficult. Jump rope and push ups and lunges oh my! All while hearing the calming words... You got this and It will get easier just be patient. So patient I have been. For almost a year. Week in and week out, 2 times each one, she built me back up and let me struggle as well. Not because she is mean but because you don't learn if you are always having your hand held. You have to learn to do it on your own at some point.

So here I sit at my laptop letting everyone who takes a brief moment to read this know that I did it! I really have completed what was the most important part of this year. Not the weight loss by numbers, but the weight lost of the pressure I put on myself that was firmly rested on my shoulders. In ALL honesty I have not lost any weight. I have built muscle and a pretty awesome sculpted body. I have lost inches and I have gained so much more self confidence and self respect. I have also gained knowledge and THAT is SUPER important. Knowledge is power. I learned I have food allergies and intolerances, IBS, Celiac Disease and who other bunch of things going on in my intestines and bowels that are being tested and watched by physicians. I have a malabsorption problem and that started it all. So this is why I am not hugely upset about not losing some numbers. If I slacked off and wasted my money and my time and Sandra's time for the last year then YES I should be embarrassed. Not the case at all here thank goodness :)

So now what?!?! Well... I am going to glide gracefully in to 40 on June 13th. I am going to keep a positive outlook and know that I have so many more years to be ME! To celebrate me. To know that I am here for a reason. To know that I have my children and my husband that even though I make them ALL mad they love me. To love myself ......... UNCONDITIONALLY! To just keep going no matter what age I am or what square I feel I am starting back at. To know that I am going to stumble along the way and to remind myself daily of this portion of a blog I wrote a while back.... Take a read :) It puts a smile on my face and in my heart when I read it.
__________________________________________
Aug 21, 2012
Music has been a part of my life since I was a little girl. Dancing around in the living room while ABBA or Barry Manilow played on the record player, jumping from couch to couch with my brother trying not to get caught. Walking down the street at Church St Station in Orlando with my dad, hearing the music of the steel drum bands playing in the distance and then to just break out in dance because it felt right. The last song played in the Romancing The Stone movie and breakin' it down in the living room (which I still do because I LOVE that movie). If it feels right ..... DO IT! Haters are gonna Hate and Doubters are gonna Doubt. But don't let that stop you from doing what makes you feel happy inside. It is not a competition about who gets to the gym more or who lost more weight than the other this month. It is about finding the happy YOU! If you haven't heard it before, Life is NOT a sprint. It is the longest marathon ever. The rewards are endless if you can appreciate your own successes and be real and true about them. I have one good week, yay! I have 3,4,7 in a row then I celebrate that! My honest private celebrations are far more important to me than public display.

So in the end ... Put on your highest heels and take over your world! Dance like no one is watching because it is about YOU and if they are.... tip your head, show them your best smile and ask them to dance. Be your own QUEEN!

I'll spin around in my highest heels

Bits of Hope

Where to begin? This is not an easy blog to write this time. Not because I have nothing to talk about, because trust me I do, but because it is hard to put it all down, everything that has happened to me this year to get me to where I am right now. Soul searching and reflection is never an easy thing to do, so this is going to be short and sweet ( I say that now but c'mon this is me.. LOL )

Dec 31st 2011 I was sitting in the Tim Hortons parking lot reflecting on all the things I had done over the year and what I wanted to accomplish in 2012. Here it is, 1 year later and I am sitting on my couch recovering from 4 days of the worst flu I have ever had but now looking ahead to where 2013 will bring me. I am proud of everything that I have accomplished this year. I had to overcome serious medical issues and  had some pretty big hurdles in my personal life but more importantly I have hope and vision that I can and will be so much more moving forward.

See, for me hope is what will always drive me. It is my inner fat girl that I will always have to push away and remind myself that I am not that girl anymore. But I know with hope that one day I will not have to do that.

I do not set New Years resolutions for the simple fact that it is a set up for failure. Proven fact is that most resolutions fail within the first 6 weeks. So then what?! That is why I set yearly goals. My 2012 was that I am invincible, and I absolutely am! I am so much better than I was 365 days ago.

I am in a better place in so many ways. Here are just a few..
- I hold close to my heart the ones that I want in my life, not that I need.
- Road blocks, side roads and speed bumps are just minor obstacles and if I allowed them to stop me in my tracks then I will never move forward (read my previous blogs).
- I have learned to take pride in my moments that I worked so hard for and to be my biggest fan
- To take genuine compliments when they are given
and FINALLY
- To see through a camera lens how others see me.

I will never take for granted the people in my life that have helped to shape, guide and mold me. Some have been silently in the background and others are right next to me. Not just coaches and trainers either. But people like my son who has always been there to push me and also to pick me up when I am feeling down on myself or don't want to go to the gym and would rather eat pizza on the couch. Like Jenna, who when I need a reality check she is there to give it to me. And a few others that shall remain nameless that know when I am crashing and know exactly what to say to remind me what I do this every day for.

Photo taken by Stone Photography

So wrapping this up in a BIG RED BOW, next year for me will be filled with new adventures and Lord knows there will be surprises. I am not done my list from last year so I will continue to work on that. I found my inner Beauty ( or my inner Diva ) this year and I hope that every woman reading this finds theirs too. Take a small breath each time you accomplish something and embrace it. Smile inside and know that you did it.

C'mon 2013... You are my year of ... Hopes are Dreams Come True

Photo taken by Stone Photography

Photoshop Squishy?? Never!

I spend a lot of time snooping through pictures of and from people online. Ok well not a LOT but yes I do look. There are a few reasons why I do it. One, I am bored out of my mind sometimes and have nothing better to do. Two, there are a ton of really awesome photos out there that should be shared with everyone. And Three, because it amazes me how much people hide behind photoshop. That has been something that has bugged me for a while.

I really have never been afraid to post a picture of me "natural". Christmas morning with bed head, last nights makeup still half on my eyes, and in my pajamas is one of my more popular posted ones.. LOL.. I am no drop dead beauty but I can tell you that I am me! I don't need to hide behind a ton of foundation or makeup to show who I am (Although it is fun getting pretty) This being said, that also applies to body shots. Photoshop is there to "enhance" a picture. NOT to change what you look like and then to say that's who you are. It angers and frustrates me to no end because it is not a true representation of you. It is of the great work of your photographer in the editing room. How is anyone suppose to relate to someone who will only post "boob up" shots unless they are "edited"? Doesn't that go back to the old saying," She sure has a pretty face but only if...". That is what I wanted to stay away from. I never wanted to be THAT girl. I wanted to be more than just a pretty face and that is one of MANY reasons as to why I started to lose my weight 6 years ago.

On one of my friends FB pages I saw her post a picture with 3 pairs of pants tacked one on top of each other to show where she came from. It touched me more than you know to see that even with all the changes she has gone through in her life that she keeps her pants for each stage that she is going through. And her journey is not over either. For me... I keep 2 pictures on my phone at all times. The one from Feb 2006 and then my side by side from last year. There is no editing done at all and that is just the way I want it. I don't need anyone to "enhance" or take away any part of my squishy that is there. I'm squishy and I am not afraid to admit it and neither should anyone. Especially the women that have been on the heavier side and have lost weight. Don't be afraid to say," I'm a little squishy these days". There are eyes watching you and we can see when you are not be honest about it.

So with all this being said, I am going to leave you with this..... If you are not willing to allow people to see you as you really are, what are you trying to hide and why? And what kind of person are you trying to represent.

Who is willing to post photos of themselves "uncovered" ?? I AM!!!
I will take being a role model looking not so great over only being just another photoshopped woman who is just that... a picture.

Finding Happy

It has been 2 months since I last sat down and gathered my thoughts enough to finish this blog. So many things have gone on. I celebrated my 38th Birthday, I celebrated 1 year as a blogger on Beautyfit, had a major health issue that I have been having to deal with once again and also celebrated my 15 year wedding anniversary with Spark. So you may say that I have been a little busy with life. I say I have been " Finding my Happy".

We all have different versions and different ways of getting to our own happy. Whether it be in a job, in our personal life or our social life. So one is not right or wrong, but personalized. No one way can be defined as the right way. For me, it has been a life long journey. More recently it has been more prevalent though. Maybe it is because I am getting older or because I am sending my baby boy off to University in 7 days. Either way I am in search of it. Never be "just okay" with your life. Be more than that! Find more fantastic words.

So while in search of finding my happy, I have also decided that I need to wear my smile that fits. It's kind of like wearing your good underwear, but it's something on the outside for everyone to appreciate and for you to be able to share. It is one that I have hid for FAR TOO long. For one reason or another which really don't matter. Why? Because that is not now.. and moving forward (oh dang I really dislike those 2 words but they fit ) I will wear mine. There are far too many reasons for people to bring you down in your life. I have been dealing with this recently and have yet to put it totally past me. I keep certain songs on my Ipod and my BlackBerry so that when I am having my "yuck" moments I can just slam on one of the songs and keep on going. They are my feel good songs.

Music has been a part of my life since I was a little girl. Dancing around in the living room while ABBA or Barry Manilow played on the record player, jumping from couch to couch with my brother trying not to get caught. Walking down the street at Church St Station in Orlando with my dad, hearing the music of the steel drum bands playing in the distance and then to just break out in dance because it felt right. The last song played in the Romancing The Stone movie and breakin' it down in the living room (which I still do because I LOVE that movie). If it feels right ..... DO IT! Haters are gonna Hate and Doubters are gonna Doubt. But don't let that stop you from doing what makes you feel happy inside. It is not a competition about who gets to the gym more or who lost more weight than the other this month. It is about finding the happy YOU! If you haven't heard it before, Life is NOT a sprint. It is the longest marathon ever. The rewards are endless if you can appreciate your own successes and be real and true about them. I have one good week, yay! I have 3,4,7 in a row then I celebrate that! My honest private celebrations are far more important to me than public display.

So in the end ... Put on your highest heels and take over your world! Dance like no one is watching because it is about YOU and if they are.... tip your head, show them your best smile and ask them to dance. Be your own QUEEN!

I'll spin around in my highest heels

Who's that girl?

I recently had a conversation with a very close friend of mine. She put some things in to very clear perspective to me. With an upcoming birthday just 2 days away I have been struggling with who I am. I mean I am Amanda. Mark's wife, The Boys mom. A woman at the gym. The server with the friendly smile that brought you your supper last night. I have spent so much time defining my outside shell that for some reason I have COMPLETELY forgot how I want my inside shell to be.

I know where I want to be in time physically, and mentally my head is in the game but sometimes my heart is having doubts. And that is because I am human. I am not a super hero or a super mom or a super athlete. I am an Everyday Woman that cries herself to sleep at night sometimes because she misses her husband and best friend. Or cries when she is pulling weight at the gym because there has been so much built up inside that you feel like you need to just explode and at that moment in time is when it happens. Crazy but true! Should've seen me last night during T-bar rows.. I was a wreck, alone, eyes focused with tears pouring down and in a zone. We all have moments like this. It is just whether we admit to it or not. My admission happens to be inside my blog for LOTS of people to read and I am ok with that. Because I have not hid behind a mask for the last year and I do NOT plan on starting now. And THAT my friends is what makes me who I am. So thank you dear friend for pointing that out to me and reminding me. I will forever be thankful.

It has been a week without a regular regiment of being with my trainer 3 mornings a week and it is hard to slide back in to a normal pattern. Finding what is going to be comfortable for me. It was easy to go for 11am when I had a trainer with me when the gym was full of people but now not so much. I have found it less stressful to go later at night. I spend time with my folder in the change room planning out my mode of attack to get the most effective training session in that would make myself and Luke proud. So I guess this is where I either flourish or flounder as a post trainer client.

I guess we will have to wait and see what happens from here.... See you in 2 weeks when we get to celebrate togeether.... I will bring the candles!!

Conversations from this Crazy Lady

I have been told a few times in my life I am crazy. Well, Ya I am just a little.. LOL. I told Luke the other day during training that our time is almost up... Then what? I really have been so good up till now..hahaha.. and so it begins. I have 5 sessions left with Luke and I can tell you that with each and every session he gets to know me a little bit more. Whether he wants to or not. Healthy banter back and forth is good. It keeps both of you on your toes as well as it keeps your mind off the fact that you are totally getting your ass kicked all over the gym floor by this guy with the angelic smile. So with that said here is just a little bit of what that poor guy has had to endure with me over the last 10 weeks.

-Me: OMG Seriously you want me to do WHAT???!!!
-*during stepups in week 1* Luke " Faster faster!!" .. Me: I AM! I'm going as fast as I can
-Me: Holy SH!* Balls that's heavy right there!.. *insert Luke standing there effortlessly holding the weights
-(from another trainer next to us.. *outloud laugh did she just say what I thought she said?* Luke: YES!)
-Me: Look at that new muscle! giggling like a school girl and pointing to it flexing in the mirror
-Me: Oh crap this is heavy!! Have I lifted this before? *Luke " You are now, let's go"
-Me: That was 15 *Luke "2 more" ... clearly his counting and mine are totally different!
-Luke: Easy as pie.. *Me, " Mmmm yummy chocolate cake with peanut butter and chocolate cheesecake"
-*insert me bent over the leg curl machine trying to get feeling back in to my legs .. Luke "Your nails are pretty" ( of all the things I expected to come out of his mouth THAT was NOT one of them. That was the BEST line of 10 weeks so far and took my mind of the increasing pain right then and there )
-Me: If I step any faster I'm gonna pee. *Luke, "then pee and keep on going"
-Luke: For the last set you can put your feet where ever you want *Me: Like up your a$$! .. Luke " Well if it helped with your training then maybe yes ( as the laughing ensued and the weights were pushed )
-Me: If that machine makes me sound like that I don't want to use it. And then we used it. I sounded like that but not nearly as throaty as that man did.
-Me: If that machine makes me sweat like that I don't want to use it. We have used it before and I did NOT sweat like said previous guy did.

>>>>> and then best like of ALL was today!!!............

Seated for shoulder press I am in proper form and ready to go..
Me:  Hey look right here..(my lats) There is a little bit of fatty left on them.
Luke "Those are your lats and that's what we WANT to come out and Sitting like this you look JACKED!!"
>>> there is NO better boost than having your trainer be the eyes that you don't have and to let you know that your body is taking shape to what is expected and wanted.

My point to ALL of this is... Training and working out does not need to be boring. There of course is a time to get it done and not mess around but you also need to have a sense of humour about it all. I mean are we really in our right mind to enjoy the days of pain following the killer leg or back or chest days like we do? Of course not! But we have learned to love it and to find a way to embrace it all. How about that day I walked right in to the change room door after my tricep day because my arm gave out completely as I went to open it. Now THAT was funny! 

Whether you have a trainer with you, your training partner or you are by yourself... Talk yourself through your session. Keep telling yourself ONE MORE! Dig Deep and pull the last few out and feel the burn.

When you are done with the machine, look at it and say," Who owns who NOW??!!"  and walk away with your head held high and a smile on your face and let EVERYONE know that the crazy lady is here to stay!

So because my trainer says so... I am JACKED and ready for the next step! Until next time.. Laugh LOTS, Smile big and stay BEAUTYSTRONG!!!

Exposed Outside My Comfort Zone..

What a fun filled morning I had and a great way to start a Saturday. 7am spin followed by breakfast with Sandra. Because of our schedules we have not had the "quality time" that I need to reassure me that all is well and normal. Today, out of an off the cuff haha statement I thought it would be fun to change things up a bit. I was going to post my photos that I take to see changes and then video blog but I seem to be technology challenged these days. So until I can figure out how to do this we are going to just do pictures.

I would just like to say that in today's photos I am sporting my new bra & undies. I am in that "weird" stage in transformation where I am not a large but not a medium but I bought new and that is what matters.

In the back pics I am taking that BIG step outside my comfort zone to post these because I am literally half dressed with my butt OUT THERE... But I am really proud of it. I have worked pretty darn hard to get it to look like that. And between training and BeautyBum my cheeky dimples are almost gone.. I would happy dance but it is not nearly as effective in a picture.. LOL

Thanks for stepping outside the box with me :)There are so many good things to come and I am super excited to share them with you.

Tri-Cept-a-licious

Dear Training Diary,

The other day Luke brought out that crazy bosu ball again for tricep pushups. I swear I am gonna eat rubber everytime I get near it. I am not a fan of it! Mostly because I struggle ridiculously at it. They are right near the end of the session and by the time I get to that part I am just almost out of gas. I know he has really good reasons for doing them that way but I think it is just so he can laugh at me. I start my training session AND almost end with pushups. They say that pushups are great for building strength without bulking up. I am sleek and I can say I am stronger for sure, so I must be doing something right. I am still on my knees for them but I have very good reasons...

1. On my knees, I can get deeper and I feel it all across my shoulders/arms and chest.
2. On my toes, If I am only going down like 2 inches is it REALLY doing what it is supposed to?
3. I pretty much begged him for mercy and said I would double the amount on my knees JUST to get off my toes. Aaaaaaannnnddddd he did. I really need to learn to control my inner conversations.
4. Uhm and frankly I just plain suck at pushups

I will admit though that on tricep days my arms feel like jello at the end and driving home is a challenge. Sometimes I just sit in my car for a bit listening to the radio so that I don't crash. Would I change how I feel after? Not on your life!! I know that there is a reason for everything. I am starting to notice changes in my arms and it is so cool! Sometimes I just stand in front of the mirror flexing in different positions just to see how different muscles pop out and say hello to me.

So with all that said I am going to just leave you with a small taste of what is it really like for me. (Notice the smile on his face and NOT on mine). I had no idea this video was being taken so you get all of me on this. and YES I am a grunter.. LOL. My form may not be fantastic but the effort was there and my trainers were proud of me.

Love from the Tri-Cept-a-licious sweaty gurl in front of the mirror RAWKIN IT!!!

Little Legs.. Lots of work

I call them little leg days because they seem to be the only ones that I don't vomit with. Training recovery time is getting faster with me. At first it was easily 3 days of intense pain and wimpering like a baby even as we moved on to the next body part 2 days later. I will not say my body is getting used to it because that would be a FAT LIE but I will say my tolerence for being uncomfortable has definately increased. So, today we motored through the session in record time and that's when he flipped the page and there was more! Sneaky guy added stuff when I wasn't looking.. LOL

I had Sheryl video for me today. These were both the last 2 on the list for me. WITH the new added "drop set" push to failure drop and go again craziness. I made it through alive today. I was much more on my game today and it felt much better. I didn't tell him not to talk to me when he asked if I was ok, so that right there in itself was a clear sign I was going to live to see him on Friday morning. I am seeing changes in my body and so are others. It feels like it is worth all the hard work and every drop of sweat. I have had body changes before but these ones are totally different. Hard to put it in to words actually

Here we go... Enjoy!  And as the saying goes... If you still look good at the end of your workout you didn't train hard enough. As you can see I was a sweaty mess and it was NOT pretty.

Hard work = Sweat and Pain

I have had a few weeks now of training. For me I start wrapping my head around what I am about to endure as I am tying up my laces in the change room. It is a slow and methodical process. Making sure I am fully prepared for the next hour. Nothing could have prepared me for last weeks Leg or Chest and Tricep session. Post leg session I spent 25 minutes in the washroom praying that the vomit and the spinning and the cold sweats would stop. Post Chest and tri session my arm clearly was NOT functioning as my mind was willing it to when I wanted the door open. It gave out at the very moment it needed to and I walked face first into the door.  But WAIT! I didn't end it there. I went to a BeautyFit drop camp Saturday Morning. It was great to change things up and focus on my conditioning. THEN Sunday came! We had a conversation just the day prior about how I was not having my migraines as I had been before and that my head was feeling great. So, here is how the conversation went between Sandra and I...

Me, (at 1:45pm) " Good Morning!... I've been in bed all day with an ice pack on my head (pretty sure we spoke too soon) I literally hurt from the tip of the last hair on my head to my nail polish! My ass, quads, sides of each of those parts and my calves are pulsating. I think my hamstrings fell off during round 5 of the frog jumps yesterday morning.

Sandra, " Oh.. That's all..." "That's a great status"

Me, " No there's more but my fingers are numb from the lack of circulation coming from the intense chest and tricep session I had on Friday so I had to cut it short"

Sandra, "You're lucky we didn't do tris then"

I laughed a ridiculous amount over this. She understands what I am going through and that was the support I needed at that moment. Almost like, It's ok Amanda.. I get it! You hurt! But it could always be worse... and now I am giggling at you.. LOL

I would like to say that my internal conversations are much different but sadly they are not. This is how I keep myself amused at the fact that I hurt like holy hannah. My body is changing and I can see it now. I am being tested as to what I can handle or what I THINK I can handle and then Luke adds more. He knows I have more push in me. I do my best and I put forth all I have each and every time. I didn't come to play around. There was a guy there today that said to me that it would be a lot easier if I didn't have weight on the bar during squats... I gave an amusing response but wanted to say something totally different. And again I didn't come there to look pretty. I am gross and sweaty and you can wring out my under clothes at the end.

I do not EVER walk out of there questioning myself saying, " Did I do my very best today?" No I don't, and today I got that little bit of outside validation, aside from my PT, that I AM doing this and that I AM doing GREAT! My fellow Beauty Sheryl was there today and she looked right in my eyes and said you did a great job today. My squats were heavier, he put me on an awful hack squat contraption ( Thank goodness I didn't crap my pants cuz it was very possible it could have happened ) and then 1 leg pendulum presses. Holy S*&@ Balls, my quads were like concrete today. The walk down the stairs was a bit frightening for me. This was option #1. I did however ask for a piggy back ride during lunges but since he did legs the day before he was a little sore. Option #2 was to just fall down the stairs and pray that someone would come to our rescue.. I chose Option #1. Mostly because I knew I would still need to show on Monday ready to give it all and bruises or not training was going to happen.

As I keep going through this I will still mudder under my breath and to myself as my own personal motivation.. You GOT THIS!! COME ON! This is NOTHING! DO IT! GO!

The conversations you have with yourself are your best motivation. You can achieve more success with daily affirmations then you can without. I see in my mirror YOU ARE INVINCIBLE (as well as some boy toothpaste spit at the bottom)....... What do you see in yours?

Ambition, Exhibition and Personal Training

Well I guess it's time for me to start journalizing this next step. I am a bag of mixed emotions but the one that I have full control over is fear. I am fully aware what I am afraid of... it is the unknown!.. LOL  Frankly there is nothing wrong with a little bit of fear. I am going to embrace each and every step of this process. It may be the one and only time I ever do this and I am good with that (for now). I am 2 weeks in with my personal trainer and he makes me sore because he works me like an Alaskan Husky running the Iditarod (and fully aware it is going to get much more intense!). He also makes me cuss a little.. ok a lot, but it is not directed at him. He doesn't yell but I am expecting it one day. Almost wanting him to, to get me to get angry. That's pretty sick eh?.. LOL

This is such a personal journey for me for a few different reasons..
1. I know I am mentally strong enough to do this. I have come so far AND overcome so many obstacles.. let's see how far I can be pushed now
2. I am physically capable of anything I put my mind to
3. I have never seen myself that fit before EVER. Maybe selfish but I want to be my husbands arm candy for ONCE in my life and feel inside like I am from the moment I slip my heels on.
4. I want my boys to be proud of me for starting something and finishing it. To show them that if they put their mind to something they can accomplish ANYTHING
5. Frankly I WANT to wear clear heels.. LOL (as my son calls them.. glass slippers)

These next 11 weeks are going to be insane! But not nearly as insane as doing cart wheels on the side of the I90 in New York on my way home from Florida 2 weeks ago. I swear I am not kidding!

I would also like to address one more thing here. I made a HUGE Financial obligation and personal commitment. I have also placed a WHOLE bunch of faith and trust in a total stranger. His name is Luke Curry. He is the man that makes me grunt, groan and sweat like a man in public. He is focused on me for 1 hour 3 times a week. He came highly recommended by my certain special someone (Sam). She understands that I have some trust issues and she felt confident enough in his abilities to place me in his hands for this transformation. I am comfortable with him. He took the time to get to know me and listen openly as to who I am. Also, He is just as excited as I am about this. The fact that we share the common goal of getting me on that stage in October in the best shape I can be is wonderful.

So here I sit a little bit sore with a belly full of healthy foods counting down to the next time I get to eat. So with peanut butter and egg white dreams I will be heading to the gym for my 2nd cardio of the day to earn each bite.

ps... I am down 5lbs already and I don't care if it is water weight or not... I am happy to see the numbers on the scale move in the right direction.

I was Road Trippin’ in the USA

Bags were getting packed, children were excited and the dogs were wondering what the heck is going on. Well let me tell you.. It’s VACATION TIME.  For anyone trying to stay on track with any kind of diet or eating right plan, like ME, long road trips or vacation of ANY kind can be a killer unless you are prepared before you leave. My game plan was the same as every year. Healthy snacks are first and foremost for all of us with one bag of pretzel mix as the only junk food allowed. So off to Dutchies Food Market I went for Fresh fruits and vegetables at a ridiculous cheap price.

This is how I snack when I travel. It truly is my life saver. Also when you travel sometimes your body gets bound up so all the vegetables keep you regular too. Let’s face it, it’s life and we all poop. Hot breakfast is always a stop for us. We need the fuel in our bodies to keep going and to start the day off right. We pulled in to the parking lot in Hackers Creek, West Virginia to see the drive thru line up of about 20 cars for the McDonalds and not a 1 by the subway. We LOVE subway breakfast!!! Why don't they?  

Foot long with Eggs whites, lots of vegetables ( yes I added baby spinach ) and a whole wheat bun is 2 meals right there for a whopping $5.00. I KNOW RIGHT?!?!?!?!  If the choice is there I am making this one every time.

Next problem for me used to be staying awake and requiring lots and LOTS of really big coffee. This year, not so much. Day 1 was 1 medium coffee and day 2 was the same but I never even finished it and Spark ended up drinking it. So for a gal that used to drink an extra large coffee and then go the sleep right after I was done I think that is a HUGE step in my progress

I own a time share week here and this is a great advantage for vacationing. I have access to a full kitchen and I am responsible for all the meals that I make. I know exactly what I am eating and how it is prepared. There is NO guessing game for me. I do my own shopping and I can choose my meals according to what my plans are for the week. I can also plan ahead to make sure that I am not eating the fast food crap. Although I did find that truck stops and convenience stores are making better choices in what they are offering. This is what they are offering at the Sheetz in Virginia. 

 This made me smile that I had a choice for something as simple as a yogurt or for an apple instead of chips and a chocolate bar.

Moral of the story is the age old Boy Scout oath.. Be Prepared!

Laughter say WHAT?!?!?!

I just want to keep my blog today short and sweet. Everyday I am given a reason to laugh. If you have ever had the pleasure of meeting my 17 yr old, you would understand.

There are couple of sayings that are recently popping up all over the place. They go a little like this..

Are your friends making you fat?
Is your spouse making you fat?
Is stress making you fat?
Is eating too much / too little making you fat?

Well how about this one for a change of pace...

Is where you work keeping you heart healthy, happy and fit?

Where I work YES! Laughter truly is the best medicine and I do a LOT of that at my job. Over nothing in particular just because we can. Sometimes also because we do something totally ridiculous to ourselves and not on purpose but it just happens. This is what I recently found..

Laughter is good for your health

• Laughter relaxes the whole body.... A good, hearty laugh relieves physical tension and stress, leaving your muscles relaxed for up to 45 minutes after.
• Laughter boosts the immune system.... Laughter decreases stress hormones and increases immune cells and infection-fighting antibodies, thus improving your resistance to disease.
• Laughter triggers the release of endorphins, the body’s natural feel-good chemicals. Endorphins promote an overall sense of well-being and can even temporarily relieve pain.
• Laughter protects the heart.... Laughter improves the function of blood vessels and increases blood flow, which can help protect you against a heart attack and other cardiovascular problems.

This is January and frankly it is not the greatest weather outside. One day rain the next snow and on and on. If by chance you need other ways to help you get though the long winter months at a boring job or in a place where you can't break out in a random silly dance ( I can do that at my work.. LOL )and you are unable to get away on a warm tropical vacation ... Please take a moment and read Sandra's recent blog on beating the winter blues.

So with that said... instead of doing something that scares you everyday try doing something that will make you laugh till you pee your pants! ( Also you get a really good ab workout if it is done right )

Ready or not... Here I come!!!

I have mentioned a few times before that I have Big BIG plans ahead for me for 2012. Well now it's time to let you know what's going on. I want to compete. October 2012 in Kitchener. http://www.physiqueassociation.ca/opaschedules To walk the stage in clear heels, spray tan and a really awesome bikini with my favourite person, Sandra Compton, right beside me the whole way. I am fully prepared to be judged by society, family and friends and frankly I say "BRING IT" because there is NOTHING that is going to stop me from doing this. I decided I wanted to do this June last year when I saw the Oxygen model search at the Metro Toronto Convention Centre. I have enormous support already from the few people that know and I am ready mentally for this challenge. This is more than just a Bikini show off.. These competetitors are athletes beyond anything that you can imagine. The time and dedication and the mental focus that is required is beyond anything you can ever imagine. So please educate yourself before any judgemet is passed.... And to that I say WATCH ME FLY!!!!

Now, it is Jan 12, 2012 and as I sit here on my couch typing this out I have sooooo many things that I want to say. First and foremost BeautyFit Boot Camp has started a new session and my excitement is disgustingly overwhelming. I am back in my routine of normality and it feels sooooo good!! It was an extremely emotional night for us Beauties. Day 2 and tears are falling not out of pain but out of diving inside ourselves. Publicly displaying our weakness'. Openly letting each and everyone of us there know what we have already accomplished and what we yet want to. No judgement, just open hearts and overwhelming support. For me it was extremely emotional. This camp is my 1yr anniversary camp. 1 year ago I walked in a meek girl in a fat beat down body with zero self esteem and no direction in my life (So you can imagine what a blubbering fool I must have looked like tonight) I didn't even know how to skip rope.. LOL..let alone know how to spend the next 6 weeks, 1 hour at a time finding myself. 1 year later I am not that meek girl. I am a strong! Confident! Determined! Beautiful! Sexy! Down right freakin AWESOME WOMAN! I may still have some squishy on me but it is ALL me. I am proud of ME. I am proud of each and every woman that walks through that door 2 times a week each camp and says... I can do this. I have said it before in my blogs and I will reiterate it for the ones that are just now jumping in.... I leave it on the floor. Leave the bad day at home or work, the anger and frustration from words said to me or by me, the helpless feeling of things I can not change but are forced to deal with. I leave them on the floor in a puddle of sweat and tears. I am not alone in this. We ALL will go through it at one point or another in the next 6 weeks. And damn will it feel fantastic to release ( wait till kick boxing starts and that heavy bag is your Biotch.. LOL )

I'm going to end this by saying this... Don't let anyone stand in your way of what you want to accomplish. The biggest one being yourself. Fight for it. Dig deep down and yell at the top of your lungs I AM WORTH IT! Sandra said it tonight and she has every camp before.... We all have our own stories. We are the author of our mortal lives so write the best life you can live and surround yourself with people that HONESTLY support you and love you during your journey to a better you.

So ready or not World.... HERE I COME!! I have come a LONG LONG WAY and I am INVINCIBLE!!

NO EXCUSES

I want to tell you a little story about a woman that in my mind is incredible. She made me angry when I was listening to her. Not because of her personal story but because reflection of all the status updates I read about how someone can't because they are sore or they have a medical condition that supposedly restricts them from doing activity. How they spew garbage about how they are "going to make changes" to get reaction from their FB friends. It is a bunch of crap and it needs to stop.... here is why!

This woman had a stroke while driving her car. She did such severe damage to her body that she will never be able to live a "normal" life again. That normal life that we get to wake up to everyday. Where we can put our own shoes on and run out the door in an instant, go to work yet complain that we are tired and our feet hurt from standing for a few hours, Get a migraine and let EVERYONE know that once again you got a ticket for the sympathy train and you need a hug. Seriously the list goes ON and ON!! Her normal life consists of huge doses of pain medication taken before she can even get out of bed, Her husband helping her get dressed because meds haven't numbed the pain enough for her to do it on her own. And only being able to wear slip on shoes because when she bends over to tie them she loses her balance and will pass out.

Ask me where I met her. Go Ahead! Ask me... Forget it I will tell you. She was at the gym on the treadmill walking. Walking and smiling and singing to herself to the music in her ears. When I saw her in the change room conversation ensued. I wanted to know her story and she was so happy to share it with me. She told me that she wakes up everyday knowing that she is lucky to be alive. Happy to be alive and won't let one minute pass where she doesn't appreciate the new lease on life that she got. She said she has nothing to complain about because nothing could be worse that what she went through already.

.... yep I cried when I got to my car. I cried for her. I cried for me. I cried for every person out there that wants to get up and move and can't because they physically are unable. And then I got angry for the people that are able to move freely that are pissing their life away complaining and making empty promises to themselves and to everyone else.

I am so glad that I met her. She is amazing beyond my years.

Take it for what you want but this was my morning.... Get up and move!!! Stop complaining, suck it up and MOVE!!!

Reflection Pool

As 2011 was coming to a final close I took the time during my last cardio session of the year to reflect on everything I had accomplished. I realized that I had come to terms with things that were making it even more difficult from getting to that final goal. And I also decided that what I want is far more important than dwelling on the things that I can not change. So a brief synopsis will follow in this, my last blog of the year.

I woke up this morning Dec 31st, after only a few hours sleep and met with Sandra. While there I also had the great pleasure of spending some quality conversation time with Jimmy Mentis. If you have never met this man you are truly missing out. He is a Plethera of USEFUL knowledge and a really funny man too. These 2 together are like a tag team in my life that know what and when to say things that I need to hear. They have both been vocal in different ways to me over this year. Jimmy is more the strong silent type but when he speaks I highly suggest you listen!! Sandra carries a bullhorn.... just sayin' :)  I am grateful for everything that they have done for me and that they have opened my eyes to experience this year. I do not ever take for granted the opportunities that have been given and blogging for BeautyFit is definately one of them.

I have an album full of pictures on my facebook profile entitled 2011... All about me 

https://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.10150374902765252.614176.902505251&type=1&l=0cb81ee8db  This is not all of them either. I have a full album on my Blackberry too of ones that I haven't posted. But it is an idea of how things went through the year for me.

 

So what have I accomplished you ask? I have posted most of them through out my blogs but here is the short list...

 

1. Stepping out of my comfort zone and starting BeautyFit BootCamp, completing every session till the end of the year and introducing many of my friends and family to why I love it so much. Opening their eyes to something new and awesome!

2. Quitting smoking after 23 years

3. Warrior Dash !!!! 5km of mud and obstacles and running with my mentor and trainer encouraging me the whole way with my husband supporting us and waiting for us with open arms and a big smile at the finish line for us.

4. Not taking the easy way out walking the flat path and deciding to hike up the side of the mountain and loving every minute of it.

5. 5km Run for the Cure in October with the BeautyFit Beauties.

6. Found my happy place in my job by changing it and finding peace, joy and laughter in every shift

7. Realizing that there are so many things out there that I want to do and my "Happy List" keeps growing and growing.. ( Read my next blog for what I will be striking off that list for 2012 )

8. Embracing change and allowing myself to welcome new and different

..... The list is long and plenty I could again go on for EVER!!.. LOL

 

I also want to put in here a few things that I emotionally struggled with. I am only human and we all have things that happen in our lives that throw us off our game.

 

My grandmother had an aeortal dissection in May and eventually passed from complications a few months later. My sister, her husband and my nephews moved to Ft. Mac Alberta. It is very far away and I miss them very much. Thank goodness for technology. On my wedding anniversary I was diagnosed with a blood clot in my head. I have spent months since then on blood thinning injections and pills and medication to subdue and supress the pains in my head. These have made it so that I could not reach that final goal I wanted this year but ... I'm over it ( as my son always says ). 

 

I do not have ANY regrets this year. I have overcome so much and I am ready to embrace the next year and the challenges that will come. I am ready for Bootcamp to start Jan 10th. It will be nice to be back into a routine and to also have the Beauties there to push me and vice versa. I have big plans for 2012.. BIG BIG PLANS!!!

 

So I leave you with this.... As we say goodbye to 2011 go forward into 2012 with this thought .... Your internal conversations determine the outcome of your mood desire and drive..... Happy New Year!!!

 

Achieving Greatness

Ok so the old saying goes if it ain't broke don't fix it which would therefore mean Ignorance is bliss. Right? Well no! Not really. It just means that some people love to make the excuses to justify those 2 statements. The year is almost over and I have learned so many things in the last 347 days. Not only about myself but about the people that I surrounded myself with then and whom I choose to now. So before I head in to 2012 with my new journey I would just like to share some of my old thoughts that are now modified with the new ones. Grab a pen and paper and do your own list. I bet you have more than you thought.

Old vs. New

1. I can just eat till the pain goes away
>>> Food will never take away the pain. There is always a deeper reason as to why I turned to the Doritos.

2. They are my family and my friends. They will always tell me the truth
>>> Truth is they were the ones that lied to me first by skirting around the subject so as to not "hurt my feelings". Take everything at face value and process it clearly to decide how to proceed. I choose who I want in my life. I will define me, they will not. They will not hold me back from where I want to go.

3. Change scared the crap out of me!!
>>> Bring it on! I am ready for new changes in my life. I know that when I put my mind to it I can accomplish anything in front of me. Remember the Warrior Dash in June?? Ya.. scared the crap out of me.

4. Going because we were invited to events was almost an obligation out of guilt
>>> I would rather not be invited at all to something than to be invited as a last pick. I am NO ONES second choice.

5. I can't because I am not able.
>>> I can because I am willing. I can because I want to. I can because I say so and I'm gonna prove you wrong. ( ps it has been 6 months and 2 days that I have quit smoking. So to those people that didn't think I could do it I say.. and WHAT?!?!?! )

6. Change rooms are just public cublicles to cry in when you have to try on clothes.
>>> Stepped out of my comfort zone and wore form fitted dresses with not a care in the world. Bring the one woman in your life that you trust and respect the most for her honesty. Grab coffee and have fun trying stuff on.

7. Some of my closest friends walked away. What did I do?
>>> I decided to change my life direction which changed my physical appearance. I no longer fit in to the mold that they wanted for me. Sad yes, but I have learned it is reality and there is no going back.

8. I have a gym membership.
>>> I am a member of a group of people dedicated to changing their lives and achieving greatness in it. I am noticed because I actually feel like I belong and am welcomed in with open arms. I am achieving greatness in my life which I am passing on to my children, new friends and to people that I have not yet met.


I really could on and on with this list but you get the idea. It was all about first changing my thought process, taking a leap of faith and putting my complete faith in one person to lead me to where she knew I could be. I have battled many obstacles this year with my health but at no point did I say I quit or I give up. What I did do is keep on going and found a new way to achieve my goals. It may have taken me a little bit longer to do it but I did it.

2012 is just 16 days away and that brings a whole new chapter in my life. I am so very excited to fill you in when the time comes. I have enough confidence in myself to say that I AM going to do it.....Not IF but WHEN.

So be ready to join me next year and follow along with my journey....!! With visions of clear heels dancing in my head I say Happy Dreamtime and to all a good night. ( I never said I was a great poet.. LOL )

Movin Movin Mooooovin!!

Winter is finally here. Well weather wise anyway, so what does that mean? It means that we get to spend the next 5 months inside trying to stay warm. And for some of us that means that we get a new winter coat... or rather a new layer of winter pudge. This doesn't have to happen though. There are so many options available out there now that really we barely even have to leave the house. Frankly I don't like being cooped up all winter so I actually enjoy the social time at the gym. The gym is not always an option though if you can't afford the membership fees.... BUT.... How many of you have a home gaming system? Like a Wii or a PS3 or an XBox? All 3 of these systems now have interactive games available so that you aren't just sitting there with a remote in hand. You are up dancing and jumping and swinging your limbs around.

Last year we got the Kinect system for our XBox. Well let me tell you how much fun that was and still is. I have almost mastered Poker Face on the easy version.. LOL.. Not only did we dance but we were sweating and muscles were sore too. We also laughed A LOT which is heart healthy! The benefits totally out weighed the cons ( cons being you look like a fool dancing and jumping around in your living room trying not to pee yourself ). We also get to spend some quality time with the kids. Who doesn't want that? Busy schedules for everyone and passing each other in hallways just stinks! ... ooohhhh and let's not forget the friendly competition that emerges rather quickly! No one wants to lose. I know I don't!!.. LOL

 I have been watching the commercials and I also did some in store research and they have come out with so many new ones over the last year. Here are just a few http://www.xbox.com/en-US/Kinect/Games
With the Christmas season approaching these are great gifts to think about giving or asking for yourself. But really who has the time or the money to go out this month?! Sooooo, why not have a BeautyFit girls night in. Invite your gal pals over, make up some healthy snacks and laugh and chit chat while dancing together. You can even do it in your jammies ( and we all know how I feel about flannel **LOVE**). Rub on the BeautyBum, Take your BeautyFuel and see how many calories you burn that night. Before they know what hit them you will have already mastered a song or 2 :)

Remember.. all you have to do is move. Just get up and move and keep moving and before you know it, it will become second nature and you won't want to sit around anymore. You will reach out and find new and more fantastic things to do next time.

Here are just a few ideas...
1. Indoor rock climbing
2. Hot or regular Yoga
3. Indoor BeachVolley Ball
4. Pole dancing... here in my town there is a great studio that offers it http://www.impactmovement.ca/
5. Kick Boxing
and last but NEVER least!!!....
6. BeautyFit Bootcamp which starts up again Jan 10th.... all the information is listed here ( https://www.beautyfit.com/bootcamp.html )

What are you waiting for? Go! Move!

See you on the dance floor :)

Fear Factor.. More than just a TV show

I sit here at my kitchen table still in my sweaty gym clothes as I am typing this out. Tonight many things are running through my mind. One of them is, Where has this year gone??? I have had lots of things going on so I guess I just was oblivious to the date. Today for me has been a time of retrospect over the year. I have become so numb to how others make ME feel through this whole process, but what I did think over the last few days was .. How do I make THEM feel? I said when I started all this that I would not back down. I will not fail! I refuse to allow myself to fail! And it was brought to my attention a long time ago that I have put myself out here to all of you and that alone is confidence enough right?!?! No one wants to fail to people they know or don't know in the end.

So why am I talking about failure? Because it is reality! We all have thoughts that we are going to at some point. Mine is right now. Maybe because it is fear that the end of the year is only 47 days away and that is the end of my year. I am scared. I'm not gonna lie. I am scared of making it to the end of all of this and not hitting the goal I wanted. I am scared of failing people that have put so much faith and trust in me. That have given me an opportunity of a lifetime here. I am scared of failing me.

Let me be very clear though about this... I still have 46 days and 20 minutes left to prove that I can complete something. Left to prove that no matter what emotional struggle I am dealing with I can make it through. To prove that tears are just sweaty eyes. To not only prove to myself but to everyone around me that says that they believe in me that I am worth their faith.

I told you in the very beginning that I am just a normal everyday woman here. I cry like all of you and I laugh no one!! I know for a fact that some of you have had self doubt moments in the last 6 months because I have received emails about it. So I just wanted to share mine.....

46 days 11 minutes... This is more than just a blog about my year... THIS is my LIFE!!!

Growing Pains

I am 37 and I am still getting them but in a WHOLE different way. This time I am growing stronger mentally and physically and yes sometimes it is pretty painful. But in a good way.. LOL...

Alt Laterals with Dumbbells.. Ya they hurt

My wonderful 17 yr old son also trains like a champ and he pushes me just like Sandra does. He tells me to shut up and do it. He tells me YES YOU CAN Mom. He will not let me quit, even as much as I want to when I think that the bar is going to fall on my face and smash me in to little pieces. Having a teenager and trying to find things to do together that you both enjoy can be tricky. I found what works and it is the gym. He high 5's me when I complete something and is proud to call me mom. ( and he even ... AND What's me when appropriate ). We are both learning, growing, laughing and crying in pain together. But to be honest there really is nothing better than having someone spot you that understands what you are going through. What you are feeling and just exactly how much you want to punch them in the throat if they tell you.. one more!

My SONshine... we are growing together

 

 

I really didn't have any pivotal or major thought provoking moments in the last week. But what I did have is a special "MOM" moment. In all of this life change I am still a mom. I am still a friend. I am still a wife. It doesn't matter how much weight or how many inches I lose because in the end I am still me. I am the one that ugly cries when I am sick, frustrated, tired or sad. I am also the one that will hold your hand when you need it, Laugh and cry with you and also support you in your journey.

We all have growing pains. Have you found out what yours are? Mine are meaningful moments that will forever make me who I am.