A Side Road

In my life, things come up and I get thrown totally off track! Today was one of those days for me. We went to the lake today to ease the sweltering heat so I had lots of time to think in the almost 2 hour drive. I had my blog all planned out for what I was going to write about because I was once again on a road trip.
Road trips for me have always been an adventure, but I quit smoking 9 days ago so I find myself going a little stir crazy not knowing exactly what to do with myself now. I talk my poor husband's ear off for the first 45 min and then after that ... uhm nothing! Well not really... I grab my cell phone and I start taking silly pictures and then send them to my friends. It looks a little like this.........

This was 7 days ago. I am much better now :)

Ok, so back to where everything went in a totally different direction.. What are some of the main things we grab when heading to the beach? Lotion, towels, chairs, cooler, a camera and of course the children. We take random pictures of ourselves and of the kids or of total strangers. Whichever are more interesting at the moment. Oh, and the standard, "I was here" picture with my husband is always taken for the memory book. Who knew when the shutter clicked it would make such an impact this year?!

The first "bathing suit" pictures of the year are scary for lots of us. Mostly because we are casper white and we glow like a beacon with a flashing sign above our heads that say "LOOK AT ME". But this was much more scary than the norm for me. This was my 6 month check point. How much of a difference have I made to my body since January? "Clothes hide everything if worn correctly" is one of my favourite lines. All I was hiding behind today... was SPF4. Thank goodness where we decided to park it for the day was a quiet little cove with no crowds of onlookers.

On the way home I sent the picture to Sandra. I get a response of,  "WOW... seriously WOW!" That was an awesome response right?! She wasn't done yet. She wanted to REALLY let me know how WOW it truly was and I needed to see it. I get an email with encouraging words and an attachment.... She posted my pictures side by side. Tears of joy? Tears of WOW? How about tears of HOLY CRAP?! I had them all at that moment. I got to see what people now see, and what people saw then. It was right there in front of my face side by side. I'm human of course, and I immediately tried to pick the flaws out of some saggy skin here or some fatty spots there. That's my way of coping with an uncomfortable situation.

But isn't that what changing your life is all about? Getting our of your comfort zone? Why was I uncomfortable?? It's because I didn't recognize either of those women in that one combined photo. I was shown that I have accomplished so much and to be proud!

NONE of this came easy. NO ONE held my hand. I did it myself. I made a conscious decision to never go back. Is there pain involved? Heck ya there is. Physical, Emotional and Spiritual pain are what I deal with. Have I lost friends along the way? Yes I have. Do I have bad days? Yup! Sure do. And I also have TONS of fabulous days. What I have now, are people in my life that love me, support me and who PUSH me to be a better and healthier version of what I already am. To Be Beautiful.. and to be ME!

Thank you for opening my eyes tonight. I GET IT!!