Fear Factor.. More than just a TV show

I sit here at my kitchen table still in my sweaty gym clothes as I am typing this out. Tonight many things are running through my mind. One of them is, Where has this year gone??? I have had lots of things going on so I guess I just was oblivious to the date. Today for me has been a time of retrospect over the year. I have become so numb to how others make ME feel through this whole process, but what I did think over the last few days was .. How do I make THEM feel? I said when I started all this that I would not back down. I will not fail! I refuse to allow myself to fail! And it was brought to my attention a long time ago that I have put myself out here to all of you and that alone is confidence enough right?!?! No one wants to fail to people they know or don't know in the end.

So why am I talking about failure? Because it is reality! We all have thoughts that we are going to at some point. Mine is right now. Maybe because it is fear that the end of the year is only 47 days away and that is the end of my year. I am scared. I'm not gonna lie. I am scared of making it to the end of all of this and not hitting the goal I wanted. I am scared of failing people that have put so much faith and trust in me. That have given me an opportunity of a lifetime here. I am scared of failing me.

Let me be very clear though about this... I still have 46 days and 20 minutes left to prove that I can complete something. Left to prove that no matter what emotional struggle I am dealing with I can make it through. To prove that tears are just sweaty eyes. To not only prove to myself but to everyone around me that says that they believe in me that I am worth their faith.

I told you in the very beginning that I am just a normal everyday woman here. I cry like all of you and I laugh no one!! I know for a fact that some of you have had self doubt moments in the last 6 months because I have received emails about it. So I just wanted to share mine.....

46 days 11 minutes... This is more than just a blog about my year... THIS is my LIFE!!!