I recently had a conversation with a very close friend of mine. She put some things in to very clear perspective to me. With an upcoming birthday just 2 days away I have been struggling with who I am. I mean I am Amanda. Mark's wife, The Boys mom. A woman at the gym. The server with the friendly smile that brought you your supper last night. I have spent so much time defining my outside shell that for some reason I have COMPLETELY forgot how I want my inside shell to be.
I know where I want to be in time physically, and mentally my head is in the game but sometimes my heart is having doubts. And that is because I am human. I am not a super hero or a super mom or a super athlete. I am an Everyday Woman that cries herself to sleep at night sometimes because she misses her husband and best friend. Or cries when she is pulling weight at the gym because there has been so much built up inside that you feel like you need to just explode and at that moment in time is when it happens. Crazy but true! Should've seen me last night during T-bar rows.. I was a wreck, alone, eyes focused with tears pouring down and in a zone. We all have moments like this. It is just whether we admit to it or not. My admission happens to be inside my blog for LOTS of people to read and I am ok with that. Because I have not hid behind a mask for the last year and I do NOT plan on starting now. And THAT my friends is what makes me who I am. So thank you dear friend for pointing that out to me and reminding me. I will forever be thankful.
It has been a week without a regular regiment of being with my trainer 3 mornings a week and it is hard to slide back in to a normal pattern. Finding what is going to be comfortable for me. It was easy to go for 11am when I had a trainer with me when the gym was full of people but now not so much. I have found it less stressful to go later at night. I spend time with my folder in the change room planning out my mode of attack to get the most effective training session in that would make myself and Luke proud. So I guess this is where I either flourish or flounder as a post trainer client.
I guess we will have to wait and see what happens from here.... See you in 2 weeks when we get to celebrate togeether.... I will bring the candles!!
Monday, June 11, 2012
Wednesday, May 23, 2012
Conversations from this Crazy Lady
I have been told a few times in my life I am crazy. Well, Ya I am just a little.. LOL. I told Luke the other day during training that our time is almost up... Then what? I really have been so good up till now..hahaha.. and so it begins. I have 5 sessions left with Luke and I can tell you that with each and every session he gets to know me a little bit more. Whether he wants to or not. Healthy banter back and forth is good. It keeps both of you on your toes as well as it keeps your mind off the fact that you are totally getting your ass kicked all over the gym floor by this guy with the angelic smile. So with that said here is just a little bit of what that poor guy has had to endure with me over the last 10 weeks.
-Me: OMG Seriously you want me to do WHAT???!!!
-*during stepups in week 1* Luke " Faster faster!!" .. Me: I AM! I'm going as fast as I can
-Me: Holy SH!* Balls that's heavy right there!.. *insert Luke standing there effortlessly holding the weights
-(from another trainer next to us.. *outloud laugh did she just say what I thought she said?* Luke: YES!)
-Me: Look at that new muscle! giggling like a school girl and pointing to it flexing in the mirror
-Me: Oh crap this is heavy!! Have I lifted this before? *Luke " You are now, let's go"
-Me: That was 15 *Luke "2 more" ... clearly his counting and mine are totally different!
-Luke: Easy as pie.. *Me, " Mmmm yummy chocolate cake with peanut butter and chocolate cheesecake"
-*insert me bent over the leg curl machine trying to get feeling back in to my legs .. Luke "Your nails are pretty" ( of all the things I expected to come out of his mouth THAT was NOT one of them. That was the BEST line of 10 weeks so far and took my mind of the increasing pain right then and there )
-Me: If I step any faster I'm gonna pee. *Luke, "then pee and keep on going"
-Luke: For the last set you can put your feet where ever you want *Me: Like up your a$$! .. Luke " Well if it helped with your training then maybe yes ( as the laughing ensued and the weights were pushed )
-Me: If that machine makes me sound like that I don't want to use it. And then we used it. I sounded like that but not nearly as throaty as that man did.
-Me: If that machine makes me sweat like that I don't want to use it. We have used it before and I did NOT sweat like said previous guy did.
>>>>> and then best like of ALL was today!!!............
Seated for shoulder press I am in proper form and ready to go..
Me: Hey look right here..(my lats) There is a little bit of fatty left on them.
Luke "Those are your lats and that's what we WANT to come out and Sitting like this you look JACKED!!"
>>> there is NO better boost than having your trainer be the eyes that you don't have and to let you know that your body is taking shape to what is expected and wanted.
My point to ALL of this is... Training and working out does not need to be boring. There of course is a time to get it done and not mess around but you also need to have a sense of humour about it all. I mean are we really in our right mind to enjoy the days of pain following the killer leg or back or chest days like we do? Of course not! But we have learned to love it and to find a way to embrace it all. How about that day I walked right in to the change room door after my tricep day because my arm gave out completely as I went to open it. Now THAT was funny!
Whether you have a trainer with you, your training partner or you are by yourself... Talk yourself through your session. Keep telling yourself ONE MORE! Dig Deep and pull the last few out and feel the burn.
When you are done with the machine, look at it and say," Who owns who NOW??!!" and walk away with your head held high and a smile on your face and let EVERYONE know that the crazy lady is here to stay!
So because my trainer says so... I am JACKED and ready for the next step! Until next time.. Laugh LOTS, Smile big and stay BEAUTYSTRONG!!!
-Me: OMG Seriously you want me to do WHAT???!!!
-*during stepups in week 1* Luke " Faster faster!!" .. Me: I AM! I'm going as fast as I can
-Me: Holy SH!* Balls that's heavy right there!.. *insert Luke standing there effortlessly holding the weights
-(from another trainer next to us.. *outloud laugh did she just say what I thought she said?* Luke: YES!)
-Me: Look at that new muscle! giggling like a school girl and pointing to it flexing in the mirror
-Me: Oh crap this is heavy!! Have I lifted this before? *Luke " You are now, let's go"
-Me: That was 15 *Luke "2 more" ... clearly his counting and mine are totally different!
-Luke: Easy as pie.. *Me, " Mmmm yummy chocolate cake with peanut butter and chocolate cheesecake"
-*insert me bent over the leg curl machine trying to get feeling back in to my legs .. Luke "Your nails are pretty" ( of all the things I expected to come out of his mouth THAT was NOT one of them. That was the BEST line of 10 weeks so far and took my mind of the increasing pain right then and there )
-Me: If I step any faster I'm gonna pee. *Luke, "then pee and keep on going"
-Luke: For the last set you can put your feet where ever you want *Me: Like up your a$$! .. Luke " Well if it helped with your training then maybe yes ( as the laughing ensued and the weights were pushed )
-Me: If that machine makes me sound like that I don't want to use it. And then we used it. I sounded like that but not nearly as throaty as that man did.
-Me: If that machine makes me sweat like that I don't want to use it. We have used it before and I did NOT sweat like said previous guy did.
>>>>> and then best like of ALL was today!!!............
Seated for shoulder press I am in proper form and ready to go..
Me: Hey look right here..(my lats) There is a little bit of fatty left on them.
Luke "Those are your lats and that's what we WANT to come out and Sitting like this you look JACKED!!"
>>> there is NO better boost than having your trainer be the eyes that you don't have and to let you know that your body is taking shape to what is expected and wanted.
My point to ALL of this is... Training and working out does not need to be boring. There of course is a time to get it done and not mess around but you also need to have a sense of humour about it all. I mean are we really in our right mind to enjoy the days of pain following the killer leg or back or chest days like we do? Of course not! But we have learned to love it and to find a way to embrace it all. How about that day I walked right in to the change room door after my tricep day because my arm gave out completely as I went to open it. Now THAT was funny!
Whether you have a trainer with you, your training partner or you are by yourself... Talk yourself through your session. Keep telling yourself ONE MORE! Dig Deep and pull the last few out and feel the burn.
When you are done with the machine, look at it and say," Who owns who NOW??!!" and walk away with your head held high and a smile on your face and let EVERYONE know that the crazy lady is here to stay!
So because my trainer says so... I am JACKED and ready for the next step! Until next time.. Laugh LOTS, Smile big and stay BEAUTYSTRONG!!!
Sunday, April 29, 2012
Exposed Outside My Comfort Zone..
I would just like to say that in today's photos I am sporting my new bra & undies. I am in that "weird" stage in transformation where I am not a large but not a medium but I bought new and that is what matters.
In the back pics I am taking that BIG step outside my comfort zone to post these because I am literally half dressed with my butt OUT THERE... But I am really proud of it. I have worked pretty darn hard to get it to look like that. And between training and BeautyBum my cheeky dimples are almost gone.. I would happy dance but it is not nearly as effective in a picture.. LOL
Thanks for stepping outside the box with me :)There are so many good things to come and I am super excited to share them with you.
Wednesday, April 18, 2012
Tri-Cept-a-licious
Dear Training Diary,
The other day Luke brought out that crazy bosu ball again for tricep pushups. I swear I am gonna eat rubber everytime I get near it. I am not a fan of it! Mostly because I struggle ridiculously at it. They are right near the end of the session and by the time I get to that part I am just almost out of gas. I know he has really good reasons for doing them that way but I think it is just so he can laugh at me. I start my training session AND almost end with pushups. They say that pushups are great for building strength without bulking up. I am sleek and I can say I am stronger for sure, so I must be doing something right. I am still on my knees for them but I have very good reasons...
1. On my knees, I can get deeper and I feel it all across my shoulders/arms and chest.
2. On my toes, If I am only going down like 2 inches is it REALLY doing what it is supposed to?
3. I pretty much begged him for mercy and said I would double the amount on my knees JUST to get off my toes. Aaaaaaannnnddddd he did. I really need to learn to control my inner conversations.
4. Uhm and frankly I just plain suck at pushups
I will admit though that on tricep days my arms feel like jello at the end and driving home is a challenge. Sometimes I just sit in my car for a bit listening to the radio so that I don't crash. Would I change how I feel after? Not on your life!! I know that there is a reason for everything. I am starting to notice changes in my arms and it is so cool! Sometimes I just stand in front of the mirror flexing in different positions just to see how different muscles pop out and say hello to me.
So with all that said I am going to just leave you with a small taste of what is it really like for me. (Notice the smile on his face and NOT on mine). I had no idea this video was being taken so you get all of me on this. and YES I am a grunter.. LOL. My form may not be fantastic but the effort was there and my trainers were proud of me.
Love from the Tri-Cept-a-licious sweaty gurl in front of the mirror RAWKIN IT!!!
The other day Luke brought out that crazy bosu ball again for tricep pushups. I swear I am gonna eat rubber everytime I get near it. I am not a fan of it! Mostly because I struggle ridiculously at it. They are right near the end of the session and by the time I get to that part I am just almost out of gas. I know he has really good reasons for doing them that way but I think it is just so he can laugh at me. I start my training session AND almost end with pushups. They say that pushups are great for building strength without bulking up. I am sleek and I can say I am stronger for sure, so I must be doing something right. I am still on my knees for them but I have very good reasons...
1. On my knees, I can get deeper and I feel it all across my shoulders/arms and chest.
2. On my toes, If I am only going down like 2 inches is it REALLY doing what it is supposed to?
3. I pretty much begged him for mercy and said I would double the amount on my knees JUST to get off my toes. Aaaaaaannnnddddd he did. I really need to learn to control my inner conversations.
4. Uhm and frankly I just plain suck at pushups
I will admit though that on tricep days my arms feel like jello at the end and driving home is a challenge. Sometimes I just sit in my car for a bit listening to the radio so that I don't crash. Would I change how I feel after? Not on your life!! I know that there is a reason for everything. I am starting to notice changes in my arms and it is so cool! Sometimes I just stand in front of the mirror flexing in different positions just to see how different muscles pop out and say hello to me.
So with all that said I am going to just leave you with a small taste of what is it really like for me. (Notice the smile on his face and NOT on mine). I had no idea this video was being taken so you get all of me on this. and YES I am a grunter.. LOL. My form may not be fantastic but the effort was there and my trainers were proud of me.
Love from the Tri-Cept-a-licious sweaty gurl in front of the mirror RAWKIN IT!!!
Wednesday, March 28, 2012
Little Legs.. Lots of work
I call them little leg days because they seem to be the only ones that I don't vomit with. Training recovery time is getting faster with me. At first it was easily 3 days of intense pain and wimpering like a baby even as we moved on to the next body part 2 days later. I will not say my body is getting used to it because that would be a FAT LIE but I will say my tolerence for being uncomfortable has definately increased. So, today we motored through the session in record time and that's when he flipped the page and there was more! Sneaky guy added stuff when I wasn't looking.. LOL
I had Sheryl video for me today. These were both the last 2 on the list for me. WITH the new added "drop set" push to failure drop and go again craziness. I made it through alive today. I was much more on my game today and it felt much better. I didn't tell him not to talk to me when he asked if I was ok, so that right there in itself was a clear sign I was going to live to see him on Friday morning. I am seeing changes in my body and so are others. It feels like it is worth all the hard work and every drop of sweat. I have had body changes before but these ones are totally different. Hard to put it in to words actually
Here we go... Enjoy! And as the saying goes... If you still look good at the end of your workout you didn't train hard enough. As you can see I was a sweaty mess and it was NOT pretty.
I had Sheryl video for me today. These were both the last 2 on the list for me. WITH the new added "drop set" push to failure drop and go again craziness. I made it through alive today. I was much more on my game today and it felt much better. I didn't tell him not to talk to me when he asked if I was ok, so that right there in itself was a clear sign I was going to live to see him on Friday morning. I am seeing changes in my body and so are others. It feels like it is worth all the hard work and every drop of sweat. I have had body changes before but these ones are totally different. Hard to put it in to words actually
Here we go... Enjoy! And as the saying goes... If you still look good at the end of your workout you didn't train hard enough. As you can see I was a sweaty mess and it was NOT pretty.
Friday, March 23, 2012
Hard work = Sweat and Pain
I have had a few weeks now of training. For me I start wrapping my head around what I am about to endure as I am tying up my laces in the change room. It is a slow and methodical process. Making sure I am fully prepared for the next hour. Nothing could have prepared me for last weeks Leg or Chest and Tricep session. Post leg session I spent 25 minutes in the washroom praying that the vomit and the spinning and the cold sweats would stop. Post Chest and tri session my arm clearly was NOT functioning as my mind was willing it to when I wanted the door open. It gave out at the very moment it needed to and I walked face first into the door. But WAIT! I didn't end it there. I went to a BeautyFit drop camp Saturday Morning. It was great to change things up and focus on my conditioning. THEN Sunday came! We had a conversation just the day prior about how I was not having my migraines as I had been before and that my head was feeling great. So, here is how the conversation went between Sandra and I...
Me, (at 1:45pm) " Good Morning!... I've been in bed all day with an ice pack on my head (pretty sure we spoke too soon) I literally hurt from the tip of the last hair on my head to my nail polish! My ass, quads, sides of each of those parts and my calves are pulsating. I think my hamstrings fell off during round 5 of the frog jumps yesterday morning.
Sandra, " Oh.. That's all..." "That's a great status"
Me, " No there's more but my fingers are numb from the lack of circulation coming from the intense chest and tricep session I had on Friday so I had to cut it short"
Sandra, "You're lucky we didn't do tris then"
I laughed a ridiculous amount over this. She understands what I am going through and that was the support I needed at that moment. Almost like, It's ok Amanda.. I get it! You hurt! But it could always be worse... and now I am giggling at you.. LOL
I would like to say that my internal conversations are much different but sadly they are not. This is how I keep myself amused at the fact that I hurt like holy hannah. My body is changing and I can see it now. I am being tested as to what I can handle or what I THINK I can handle and then Luke adds more. He knows I have more push in me. I do my best and I put forth all I have each and every time. I didn't come to play around. There was a guy there today that said to me that it would be a lot easier if I didn't have weight on the bar during squats... I gave an amusing response but wanted to say something totally different. And again I didn't come there to look pretty. I am gross and sweaty and you can wring out my under clothes at the end.
I do not EVER walk out of there questioning myself saying, " Did I do my very best today?" No I don't, and today I got that little bit of outside validation, aside from my PT, that I AM doing this and that I AM doing GREAT! My fellow Beauty Sheryl was there today and she looked right in my eyes and said you did a great job today. My squats were heavier, he put me on an awful hack squat contraption ( Thank goodness I didn't crap my pants cuz it was very possible it could have happened ) and then 1 leg pendulum presses. Holy S*&@ Balls, my quads were like concrete today. The walk down the stairs was a bit frightening for me. This was option #1. I did however ask for a piggy back ride during lunges but since he did legs the day before he was a little sore. Option #2 was to just fall down the stairs and pray that someone would come to our rescue.. I chose Option #1. Mostly because I knew I would still need to show on Monday ready to give it all and bruises or not training was going to happen.
As I keep going through this I will still mudder under my breath and to myself as my own personal motivation.. You GOT THIS!! COME ON! This is NOTHING! DO IT! GO!
The conversations you have with yourself are your best motivation. You can achieve more success with daily affirmations then you can without. I see in my mirror YOU ARE INVINCIBLE (as well as some boy toothpaste spit at the bottom)....... What do you see in yours?
Me, (at 1:45pm) " Good Morning!... I've been in bed all day with an ice pack on my head (pretty sure we spoke too soon) I literally hurt from the tip of the last hair on my head to my nail polish! My ass, quads, sides of each of those parts and my calves are pulsating. I think my hamstrings fell off during round 5 of the frog jumps yesterday morning.
Sandra, " Oh.. That's all..." "That's a great status"
Me, " No there's more but my fingers are numb from the lack of circulation coming from the intense chest and tricep session I had on Friday so I had to cut it short"
Sandra, "You're lucky we didn't do tris then"
I laughed a ridiculous amount over this. She understands what I am going through and that was the support I needed at that moment. Almost like, It's ok Amanda.. I get it! You hurt! But it could always be worse... and now I am giggling at you.. LOL
I would like to say that my internal conversations are much different but sadly they are not. This is how I keep myself amused at the fact that I hurt like holy hannah. My body is changing and I can see it now. I am being tested as to what I can handle or what I THINK I can handle and then Luke adds more. He knows I have more push in me. I do my best and I put forth all I have each and every time. I didn't come to play around. There was a guy there today that said to me that it would be a lot easier if I didn't have weight on the bar during squats... I gave an amusing response but wanted to say something totally different. And again I didn't come there to look pretty. I am gross and sweaty and you can wring out my under clothes at the end.
I do not EVER walk out of there questioning myself saying, " Did I do my very best today?" No I don't, and today I got that little bit of outside validation, aside from my PT, that I AM doing this and that I AM doing GREAT! My fellow Beauty Sheryl was there today and she looked right in my eyes and said you did a great job today. My squats were heavier, he put me on an awful hack squat contraption ( Thank goodness I didn't crap my pants cuz it was very possible it could have happened ) and then 1 leg pendulum presses. Holy S*&@ Balls, my quads were like concrete today. The walk down the stairs was a bit frightening for me. This was option #1. I did however ask for a piggy back ride during lunges but since he did legs the day before he was a little sore. Option #2 was to just fall down the stairs and pray that someone would come to our rescue.. I chose Option #1. Mostly because I knew I would still need to show on Monday ready to give it all and bruises or not training was going to happen.
As I keep going through this I will still mudder under my breath and to myself as my own personal motivation.. You GOT THIS!! COME ON! This is NOTHING! DO IT! GO!
The conversations you have with yourself are your best motivation. You can achieve more success with daily affirmations then you can without. I see in my mirror YOU ARE INVINCIBLE (as well as some boy toothpaste spit at the bottom)....... What do you see in yours?
Thursday, March 8, 2012
Ambition, Exhibition and Personal Training
Well I guess it's time for me to start journalizing this next step. I am a bag of mixed emotions but the one that I have full control over is fear. I am fully aware what I am afraid of... it is the unknown!.. LOL Frankly there is nothing wrong with a little bit of fear. I am going to embrace each and every step of this process. It may be the one and only time I ever do this and I am good with that (for now). I am 2 weeks in with my personal trainer and he makes me sore because he works me like an Alaskan Husky running the Iditarod (and fully aware it is going to get much more intense!). He also makes me cuss a little.. ok a lot, but it is not directed at him. He doesn't yell but I am expecting it one day. Almost wanting him to, to get me to get angry. That's pretty sick eh?.. LOL
This is such a personal journey for me for a few different reasons..
1. I know I am mentally strong enough to do this. I have come so far AND overcome so many obstacles.. let's see how far I can be pushed now
2. I am physically capable of anything I put my mind to
3. I have never seen myself that fit before EVER. Maybe selfish but I want to be my husbands arm candy for ONCE in my life and feel inside like I am from the moment I slip my heels on.
4. I want my boys to be proud of me for starting something and finishing it. To show them that if they put their mind to something they can accomplish ANYTHING
5. Frankly I WANT to wear clear heels.. LOL (as my son calls them.. glass slippers)
These next 11 weeks are going to be insane! But not nearly as insane as doing cart wheels on the side of the I90 in New York on my way home from Florida 2 weeks ago. I swear I am not kidding!
I would also like to address one more thing here. I made a HUGE Financial obligation and personal commitment. I have also placed a WHOLE bunch of faith and trust in a total stranger. His name is Luke Curry. He is the man that makes me grunt, groan and sweat like a man in public. He is focused on me for 1 hour 3 times a week. He came highly recommended by my certain special someone (Sam). She understands that I have some trust issues and she felt confident enough in his abilities to place me in his hands for this transformation. I am comfortable with him. He took the time to get to know me and listen openly as to who I am. Also, He is just as excited as I am about this. The fact that we share the common goal of getting me on that stage in October in the best shape I can be is wonderful.
So here I sit a little bit sore with a belly full of healthy foods counting down to the next time I get to eat. So with peanut butter and egg white dreams I will be heading to the gym for my 2nd cardio of the day to earn each bite.
ps... I am down 5lbs already and I don't care if it is water weight or not... I am happy to see the numbers on the scale move in the right direction.
This is such a personal journey for me for a few different reasons..
1. I know I am mentally strong enough to do this. I have come so far AND overcome so many obstacles.. let's see how far I can be pushed now
2. I am physically capable of anything I put my mind to
3. I have never seen myself that fit before EVER. Maybe selfish but I want to be my husbands arm candy for ONCE in my life and feel inside like I am from the moment I slip my heels on.
4. I want my boys to be proud of me for starting something and finishing it. To show them that if they put their mind to something they can accomplish ANYTHING
5. Frankly I WANT to wear clear heels.. LOL (as my son calls them.. glass slippers)
These next 11 weeks are going to be insane! But not nearly as insane as doing cart wheels on the side of the I90 in New York on my way home from Florida 2 weeks ago. I swear I am not kidding!
I would also like to address one more thing here. I made a HUGE Financial obligation and personal commitment. I have also placed a WHOLE bunch of faith and trust in a total stranger. His name is Luke Curry. He is the man that makes me grunt, groan and sweat like a man in public. He is focused on me for 1 hour 3 times a week. He came highly recommended by my certain special someone (Sam). She understands that I have some trust issues and she felt confident enough in his abilities to place me in his hands for this transformation. I am comfortable with him. He took the time to get to know me and listen openly as to who I am. Also, He is just as excited as I am about this. The fact that we share the common goal of getting me on that stage in October in the best shape I can be is wonderful.
So here I sit a little bit sore with a belly full of healthy foods counting down to the next time I get to eat. So with peanut butter and egg white dreams I will be heading to the gym for my 2nd cardio of the day to earn each bite.
ps... I am down 5lbs already and I don't care if it is water weight or not... I am happy to see the numbers on the scale move in the right direction.
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